I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
