I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
