Don't make out with my wife yet
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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