Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
