Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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