What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
