This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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