This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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