yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
