shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
