so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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