So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
well you can't waste a boner
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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