She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
being pregnant is like rehab
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize