So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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