omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
