yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
from now on my penis is your penis
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
