You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
