wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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