I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
