Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
