He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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