does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
