Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
