If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
