I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
