You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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