Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
