Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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