When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
