guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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