And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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