Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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