I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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