I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
