...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
