During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
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