I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize