I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
