GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
