Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
