There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
