We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
