it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
