farters have to be the big spoon...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Semen is not good for contacts.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize