Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
