Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize