You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
