That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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