P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
