So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
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i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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