She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
