I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just pee around me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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