The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
