is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How's work?
Spinning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
