five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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