conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
