Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i came on her dog
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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