I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
