I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
