I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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