guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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