just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
