your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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