one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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