I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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