hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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