so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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