We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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