im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
