On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
