i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
