I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
