where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
